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Crotch Walking and Cook-y Puss

January 21, 2010

As I made my way through my ever growing inbox this morning I came across this little gem titled “Crotch Walking & Vintage Pin-up Fashion”. Normally this is from a magazine that I don’t always click on through to… but how could I not with a title like “Crotch Walking…”, I mean COME ON!!!

Apparently Crotch Walking is a shoplifting tactic where many women wear a full dress or skirt into a store, place an item between their thighs and walk out. GENIUS! The stronger the thighs the larger the items… like electronics! That’s right boys, those strong thighs are good for much more than you think!

The intern at BUST Magazine where I came across this up(dare I say)LIFTing story finishes the article with something too awesome for paraphrasing…

Amazing Tactic. To think I could have been using my “stronger thighs” to simply carry things, all these years. This tactic could surely be used outside of the robbery business. Now, I’m thinking of all the money I wasted! I never needed to hire moving men. I just needed to carry heavy things, differently. I always thought, lift with your knees. No. Lift with your crotch.

(click of the loudspeaker at Kohl’s)
!ATTENTION! “crotch walking” woman on aisle 5- get that microwave out of your vagina. GGGggurrrlll!!!….. You gone’go-an cook yo pussy. …was that a ‘ding’ I just heard coming from inside your body?…Did you just make popcorn???

Headline reads: Stronger Thighed Woman Poaches Microwave-Cooks Puss. Your friends now refer to you as, Cook-y Puss.”

And there you have it folks… I think I’m off to try to wrangle me a new T.V.!

Courtesy of BUST Magazine.

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